What is domestic abuse?

• I feel frightened to be at home.
• I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around my partner.
• I feel cut off from my friends and family.
• I feel scared to make my own choices and live my life the way I want to.
• I feel I can't go out without my partner's permission.
• I feel pressured to do things I don't want to.
• I feel threatened and bullied.
• My partner's always checking up on me, such as looking through my texts or emails.
• My partner decides how or when I can use my phone.
• My partner controls the money.
• My partner checks what I buy or my shopping receipts.
• My partner often puts me down.
• My partner tells me what clothes to wear or to change the way I look.
• In my relationship I've lost my confidence, freedom and sense of who I am.
• My partner has strict rules and punishes me if I break them.
• My partner makes me doubt myself so I don't know what's right.

One or more of these statements may show a pattern of abusive behaviour called coercive control.

Coercive control is a crime. If you think you're experiencing it, you can report it to the police or get a court order to protect yourself or both.

Coercive control is often linked to other forms of abuse, such as physical violence, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, financial abuse and tech abuse.

Find out more about coercive control.

• I’ve been forced or feel forced to have sex or do sexual things I don’t want to.
• My partner is threatening to post sexual images of me online.

This is sexual abuse and it’s a crime. If you've experienced it, you can report it to the police or get a court order to protect yourself or both.

Sexual abuse could include:

• rape
• anything of a sexual nature done without your consent
• being put under pressure to do sexual things you don't want to
• being sent sexual messages you don’t want (sexting)
• sharing or threatening to share sexual images of you without your consent (revenge porn)
• taking or sending images of someone aged under 18
• being bullied in a sexual way (sexual harassment)
• having to undergo female genital mutilation

Just because you gave consent once to someone, doesn't mean you always consent to sex with them. Being married or living together doesn't mean someone automatically has your consent either.

In law, you cannot consent to being seriously harmed during sex (sometimes called 'rough sex'), even if your partner says it was consensual.

Consent given in a controlling or coercive relationship isn't necessarily consent. You may have felt scared to say no to something you didn't want to do – this may be sexual abuse.

• My ex or partner threatens my children or uses them to try to control or scare me.

Whether you’re still in a relationship with them or not, an abusive parent can use your children to try and keep control over you.

It could be part of a set of abusive behaviours that someone uses to control and frighten you, known as coercive control. Coercive control is a crime. If you think you're experiencing it, you can report it to the police or get a court order to protect yourself or both.

Child abuse itself is also a serious crime and must be reported to the police.

You can limit the influence someone has on you and your children by getting legal protection through the courts. See the Children section for more details.

• My family is forcing me to get married.
• My family won’t let me choose my own partner.
• My family or partner won’t let me live the life I want for religious or cultural reasons.

This is honour-based abuse. It involves acts that supposedly defend the honour of a family or community, but can be criminal offences in UK law, such as:

• common assault
• false imprisonment
• abduction
• child abduction
• forced marriage
• kidnapping
• rape

Get protection from domestic abuse and find the support you need to get your life back on track.