I'm trapped in a mortgage with my ex

Whether you’re in an abusive relationship or you’ve left one long ago, join mortgages can be a way an abuser can prolong contact and keep a hold over you.

For example, you may find it hard to switch to a cheaper mortgage or sell the home without the abuser’s agreement.

They may also use the mortgage to build up your debts – another form of abuse.

Speak to your mortgage provider

Speak to your mortgage provider as soon as possible. Many have specialist teams for vulnerable customers, including those who have experienced domestic abuse.

You should explain your situation and that you are separating or have separated from an abuser.

Ask if they can help you:

  • with payments, such as payment holidays while you get your financial affairs in order
  • switch to a better interest rate without the abuser’s consent
  • write off any extra debt that was created by the abuser
  • get the abuser to pay their share of the mortgage
  • change your credit score if it’s bad because of the abuser’s behaviour
  • send you mortgage statements so you know what the situation is
  • send post to your new address
  • keep your new contact details secret

Get help

The charity Surviving Economic Abuse has detailed information on all aspects of economic and financial abuse, including those related to housing, mortgages, tenancies and repossession. They also run a support line for people experiencing domestic abuse who are in financial difficulty.

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