Settling how the other parent spends time with your child

If this is a safe and realistic option, you may be able to work things out between yourselves, or through a trusted friend or relative.

If you do come to an agreement, you could set it out in a Parenting Plan. The plan shows what’s expected of everyone, and is useful if you ever need to go to court or mediation about a disagreement in the future.

You can also give it legal force, by asking the courts to make it a consent order.

If you can’t safely reach an agreement with the other parent and you have to settle child arrangements with them, you may need to ask the family court to help.

The court can decide who the child lives with and what contact the other parent has. It will aim to put the interests, safety and welfare of your child first.

Its decision will be set out in a court order – called a child arrangements order – which is legally binding on both parents.

Judges are aware that some abusers take advantage of their children and use child contact to keep a hold over the other parent.

The court can also give you and your child some protection from an abusive parent through this and other court orders that control what the other parent can do.

It's best to get help from a legal expert or solicitor before you apply to the court. You may also be able to get legal aid to help pay.

Mediation before going to court

Usually, courts want to see that you’ve tried mediation with the other parent before you apply for a court order.

You're exempt from this – that is, you don’t have to have mediation or a mediation meeting (called a MIAM) – if you have a good reason, such as:

• you’ve experienced domestic abuse
• it’s urgent because of possible harm to you or your child
• there’s a risk of the child being taken out of the country without your permission (child abduction)
• there are child protection issues